We Are Back to Battling Cancer

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In November, we received some dreadful news found, a lymph node in Jace's chest was enlarged. After many tests, the doctors told us that the lymph node was positive for thymoma. We had been keeping the news a little on the DL since we did not want to freak anyone (or ourselves) out until we were sure. Well, the time came and we had to tell everyone the news, "Jace's cancer is back." To say the least our Christmas was great, but we had a looming cloud in the future. Jace had to begin proton radiation therapy in January. So I would be starting my new job while Jace began his radiation, ironic huh? Later on, we found out this would happen on the exact same day.

It has now been one week since Jace started radiation and we have so much hope that he will win this battle. But I would be lying if I said that everything has been positive thoughts. I am pretty sure I have been through some of the stages of grief in the past couple of months, sometimes the anger stage sets in but then I am reminded of the struggles we have had in the past and I am reminded of how lucky we are. So I leave you all with this quote from MD Anderson Hospital, "cancer can take away a lot of things, but never hope."

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It's been a whole year!

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A few weeks ago I thought to myself, it's been a while since you have written anything. I wonder how long....(a few days later) Oh my it's been a whole year!!! 

Well, lots of things have happened in the past year and for some reason I haven't even thought about sharing them. Well, here is the last year summed up.

Well, we have to start with food! Jace had lots of time to try many different recipes and these short ribs were just one of the many incredible meals he made. Many of these meals were only eaten by me since Jace was still getting rehabilitation (he was very weak and was unable to eat until about March). But no worries soon after that he enjoyed some incredible meals. 

Soon after we found out Jace's sister was having a baby boy. We were ecstatic to know that soon a new member of the family would be here, oh wait and the member would not be a furry one!!!! 

After about three months of grueling work and lots of crying moments. I finished my dissertation and I successfully defended it. This picture does not do justice to the excitement I felt when I knew I had finally done it (of course with the help and support of my loving husband and my fabulous family). My parents and sister's never ending support throughout the many years of schooling and their last push during Jace's hospital stay paid off (Thanks Mami for telling me to keep going even when I thought I couldn't!).

Jemez Mountains, New Mexico

Jace's recovery continued to amaze us and after finishing my internship year. Our little family went to  New Mexico where we had a great time camping in the Jemez Mountains. Sorry for the Stewie picture, it was too cute not to post it.

I had to take some time off from work so Jace and I had a few road trips to New Mexico. Here we went on an adventure to Goose Lake, New Mexico. It is one of the most beautiful places I have ever visited.

Here I am at Kasha-Katuwe Tent Rocks National Monument. It is so amazing! Everyone should visit this place.

Our new nephew, Finn, was born. It was so exciting! Who thought such a little person would bring so much joy to the Arbuckle Family. 

And guess what happened at the end of the year! I finally graduated. It has been about a month since this happened and I often times cannot believe I am truly done with school.

So what happened with all of your this past year?

P.S. For those of you wondering about our journey in terms of Jace's health, I will soon share the latest news!

What a Journey...

Well here I am finally back from what it seems like an eternity. As some of you may know, I have been very busy trying to split my time between Jace and my job. To tell you the truth I am not quite sure where to begin... During the past four months, I have thought many times I should write about what Jace was going through, but I think unconsciously I knew it would be too hard and a few weeks ago I was finally faced with having to write a quick recap for an old friend that was unaware of the situation. It took me a while because as I wrote the words there was a weird reality that hit and I had to tell myself, "yes it is true, all of this has happened!" So here are the few sentences I wrote: "Jace got the surgery done in Mid August. He was discharged from the hospital about 8 days after the surgery, but a few days later he was having a very difficult time breathing, so we had to go back to MD Anderson. After a few days of waiting, testing, anxiety, and more difficulty breathing the doctors said that he had an infection in his one remaining lung. After many medications and lots of waiting, the breathing got progressively worse and he went into respiratory arrest so he had to be intubated and go into the intensive care unit. Things were definitely not pretty and he had many complications (fluid in lung, myasthenia gravis, blood clot, etc.) that have kept him in the hospital for 4 months, but now he is out of the woods. After, he became more stable he was transferred to a long term acute care hospital. He was on a respirator for about 3 months, but as of December 11th he is off the respirator. At the end of November he started the long road to recovery with rehabilitation for pretty much everything (walking, talking, swallowing, breathing). He has been able to make amazing improvements, but it has been slow.  It's been pretty hard on all of us, but we know that he is going to get better, that he will come home, and most importantly that he is still the Jace we all know."
I know this is probably not even half of what happened, but just writing this much was hard because it makes you face reality and sometimes reality is not pleasant. On the other side, writing about the experience made me realize something. God has truly been good to me this year! I was able to marry the man of my dreams and I was able to realize that life is a gift often overlooked.
I can't say these past few months have been easy, but I can confidently say I have never stopped believing Jace is going to be ok. And now that he has finally been home for over two weeks, I can see how happy we are to be together once again and I am so grateful because I am able to share my life with him.

Here are a few pictures from the last few days at home:

Christmas Day cooking for my family

My mom, Stewie, and Freud helping Jace with his physical therapy

A little ambiguity, good or bad?

Everyone tends to have ambiguity in their life. For me graduate school was a whole lot of ambiguous experiences, but I think they served me to think and be more sure of my decisions and my clinical judgement. But in the past few weeks, I think I have been faced with lots of it, starting a job and Jace's sugery which are both not exactly super awesome. I constantly wondered what is going to happen? Will people be nice? Will we be fine? Yuck, I hate it! But usually do a few things to make it a little better, so here they are:
1. Talking to people who are close to me. I am known to not share  too much with people unless they are very close being, which is weird because in my field we try to encourage people to talk to others (what a weirdoo, right?)
2. A little self talk about how irrational I am being, it usually goes like STOP BEING A WEIRDOO  think about what you are saying everything is going to be fine.
3.Take my mind off of it, maybe by exercising or even watching mindless TV.
But I guess sometimes its easier than other times, do you have any good ways to deal with it?

Hello from Waco!

From

So we are finally in Waco, Texas. I know what you all must be thinking- "It is not a really fun city." I can definitely say it is no Austin or Houston, but it is a change of scenery and an adventure for me and Jace. I was excited and happy to know that not only did I get to live in a new place but I would also get to start the last step in my graduate school journey, my doctoral internship, YAY!!! For now, we are finally settled and we have a home instead of a bunch of boxes in every single room. For anyone moving, I feel so sorry for you moving is no fun (this is coming from someone who had movers for the big items).

During the past few weeks we also were told when Jace's surgery would be... August 13th in Houston. I said so soon, but in all reality we knew it was coming. I also thought how will I manage a move, a new job, and a husband having major surgery. Well I have taken care of the first two and for now I have truly tried to take a new perspective, worry about what is happening now, everything else will work itself out. I am still planning as much as a can for Jace's recovery, but it is difficult since his recovery is pretty much unknown territory. So for those of you wondering what I am going to do since I have just started a new job, well the veteran affairs healthcare system (VA) is wonderful and I may be able to take some sick leave and/or annual leave even though I have not earned it. Yes people this is definitely the best place to work. Also, they have a program where other employees of the VA can donate leave to you, after hearing this I thought what best place to ask for a little help but blogger land! If any of you are employees or know anyone working in the VA system that would be willing to donate some leave let me know. Jace and I will be eternally grateful!

Well now the serious business...

After a wonderful weekend with my family, Jace and I went to the dreaded appointment at MD Anderson. Yes I know they are great there, but lately we have not been getting many good news therefore I dislike it! After we arrived, the first huge sign we both saw at the airport was MD Anderson Making Cancer History. It was like someone was saying "wake up, remember you have to go to MD tomorrow!" I reacted with "Thanks for the reminder!"

We have been pretty calm despite the tough challenge we could be facing, whether Jace's new chemo would work. There were two options on the table if the chemotherapy worked, Jace would probably have to receive more chemo. If the chemo did not work then Jace's right lung would be removed followed by 6 weeks of radiation. So yesterday after being in the hospital for 6 1/2 hours we saw the oncologist. She said that the tumors had stayed stable, but there had not been a reduction in the size of them. These were definitely NOT the news that I wanted to hear, because then she quickly followed with "me and the surgeon spoke and we will have to go ahead and remove the right lung and part of the pleura." My heart dropped and I definitely didn't know what to say, except feel like I wanted to run away like a six year old crying. Neither one of us ran away and yes we were able to ask a few questions. Today I feel like I should not think about it too much, because I may open some floodgates that are not going to close any time soon. But I am truly telling myself "it is going to be ok, we will get through it." I am not quite sure if currently I have some denial or I am just doing a great deal of avoidance, but I keep on thinking one step at a time I have to take care of today, don't think of what could happen.

For now I think one thing that I will truly appreciate from everyone is thinking and praying that Jace will do amazing and that we will get through it!

Albuquerque and Family Time

The past week was AWESOME! I was in Albuquerque spending some major time with my lovely family. It was about 85 degrees the whole time I was there and there was no HUMIDITY! I love it there! It was the first time back since December to be back, which believe me is extremely very hard. I did see all of them during my wedding in March, but I still have a hard time not seeing them every day, opps I meant to say every couple of months (Jace says I am crazy and he does not understand how I talk so much with my mom, but I guess I have a lot to say).

Here is a picture with my lovely mom during the wedding, hopefully soon I can post a little more about the trip.